I have several thoughts in my "half-intact, half-ill" mind which are connected with practically any kinds of things. One of my nice acquaintances once asked me whether I had already written anything 'meaningful' in English and my answer was a definite 'no'. I firmly believe that our Hungarian mother tongue is much more sophisticated, expressive and pleasant sounding than any of the foreign languages. Hungarian is absolutely resourceful; it is incredibly rich in vocabulary, which makes writing clearly easy and reader-friendly. This statement might be due to my imperfect language competence. :) Yes, it might be true...However, any kind of foreign language proficiency you can have; your communicative skills are necessarily reduced to a certain extent if you want to express yourself about anything. At least, I tend to view so...
However, there is something crucial that I would clarify now. Why in English? I do not know. It might be because of that previously mentioned person, it may be because of my current, weird mood or just because of my curiosity. I am not aware of the exact answer...
To tell the truth, I have not been writing for so long, precisely just for a couple of weeks. I know that my posts are sometimes full of emotional feelings, sometimes are about complete stupidities enriched with unlimited sarcasm. Without doubts, most of my writings are inspired by concrete persons or experienced stories. But sometimes I have just a really vague feeling coming through my mind and necessarily I have a strong, unexplainable force which makes me type it. However, I am totally sure about one thing and let me pinpoint it. I do not intend to hurt anybody even if my harsh words sometimes hurt people. Unfortunately, I have to admit that I am not perfect at all. I am still working on building up my 'once-existed' personality again. Not long ago I had to come to the realisation that I had done many things wrong in the past. So who am I to judge or prejudice anybody? Just a big nobody...I do not want to tell anybody how they should live their present moments or what they ought to do in certain situations. I do not want to teach anybody to anything as I am neither a teacher nor a parent yet. (It would be high time...I know...) Many times my questions are simply rhetorical ones; but even if I know the answers, most of the time I can not accomplish them. Just I am trying to do my best to improve the quality of my life basically from emotional point of view. And sadly, my endeavours frequently fail.
If I had to use a simile, I would say writing means some vital medicine for me at present. Admittedly, writing heals me as it makes me think deeply about people, destructive or joyous emotions, and certain situations. It even makes me rethink the past and learn from it. With the help of re-examining everything, it is much easier for me to digest the paining memories of the past. I still do not know whether I would be capable of gaining anything from either my writings or my thoughts, but I am sure that writing is absolutely essential for me now. It somehow makes me ease...And to say the least, this feeling is definitely uplifting...
